Graduation Day!!

It took a very LLOONNGG and ROUGH road to this moment but I have made it. I am officially a member of society with a Master's of Science degree. This time last year I hardly had any hair and little to no energy to finish a 8-hour day. However, after I took the time to focus on what I really wanted. I showed up with a focus of determination.

The journey to this moment took a village of people that really hung in there for me. During the ups and downs. To these people I TRULY owe this degree to them. There are a few people that I would like to thank for helping me get to this point (In no particular order).

1. Dr. D: has given me a lot of strength when I didn't even know I had the strength to finish.
2. Sunshine mom (Theretha): being the unconditional support when things were a little rough
3. Young mom (Meghan): helping me understand what the meaning of unconditional friendship
4. Chemo Mom (Janice): being the voice of reason when I wanted to kill this cancer experience
5. Dr. Hugs a lot: for being so understanding when I really disliked our visits
6. The Neurosurgeon: for supporting my outrageous physical goals (just so that I can fell "normal")
7. My friends: for dealing with my daily naps in the middle of the day and "bad" days
8. My family: for giving me an ear when I had no idea what I should do next.

***THANK YOU ALL FOR BEING HERE FOR ME!! You have NO idea how much this means to me. For all the time spent listening to my hard moments, from giving me a little financial support, taking time out of your busy schedules to fly/drive/walk to me when I need you. I have no idea how to thank you more. I have this moment for a life time because of you all.

"It's easy for you not to be overwhelmingly happy with this moment because the people who love you are extremely elated for your success."- A smart young man. I understand that I should be happy with this degree but honestly, the glory goes to all of you.

There is a future after cancer and I am happy to let people know that from my experience. I will be moving into my next steps of being a working woman.

WITH ALL MY LOVE & RESPECT!!

"50/50" is the must see movie

Hey all!! I hope that all is well with you and yours. There is a movie out currently called "50/50", this movie has EVERYTHING that I try to convey here on my blog about my journey. I cried from all the things that were relative to my journey with cancer. Please go see it ASAP!! It will make you cry but only in the best way. :-)

A Year Strong (9/24/2011)

Thanks to the many people that have been there for me during this test. I am so glad that there are so many wonderful, caring individuals that are willing to take the time out for me. I would like to thank my caregivers for giving me EVERYTHING that I need. I would like to thank those who listened to me complain about not feeling well. I would like to thank those who gave me class notes when I couldn't make it to class. I would like to thank those of you that came by just because you wanted to help. I would like to thank you all for giving me the ability to continue the laughter in my life. I would like to thank my nurses and doctors for giving me the best care available. Even to those who didn't know what to say or do, I thank you for placing yourself in front of me still. I can't believe I have so many people in my life that care so much about me. I love you all with all my heart. Please continue to be the loving and caring people that you are. I'm sure that God will continue to bless you all.

The Residuals

So with all the great things that happen with treatment in cancer, there are A LOT of things that cancer patients don't talk about. So I would like for you all to know a few things that I have gone through...
1. The hot flashes still happen all day, everyday but my tolerance became better
2. The discoloration on my finger nails and toe nails (The color is so horrible people notice)
3. The pain never goes away in my back but it makes me stronger
4. My hair isn't the same and its hard to explain to new people why it isn't
5. My mind set will never be the same
6. The look in your loved one's eyes when they call you beautiful because they see the true beauty and strength in a cancer survivor!! The words "you look good" has so much more meaning then it has before.
***Most importantly making those in your life understand and see the fact that you have gotten better. Some don't understand the new you. My mindset is different in a great way. Its the best part about having cancer. :-) You learn to love everyday a little more than the last.

The ups and downs of life

Hello to all my readers!! I apologize for the lengthy period of time between postings but I've been pretty busy learning new things about statistics! I'm so happy with the fact that I have so many people in my life that care so very deeply about me. The more I look at the past year in depth, I realize the extreme strides that everyone who was there during the marathon race for my life. If I could find the amount of money and time that was given to me during my time of need, I would owe both those people and sallie Mae the rest of my life. If I could add the amount it would be way too much to place in the bank. I'm so grateful for the special people who have gone the extra mile for me. I have also had the pleasure to see the wonderful amounts of disappointment from people really close to me. If I could do it all over, I'm glad that I've had the chance to see them in their true light. Fear can change people but it's the way you deal with it that makes us who we are. My fear allowed me to see the beauty that God has created here on this earth. Given the opportunity to change it all would be like giving God the impression that I have not grown or learn from this situation. The ability to let go of hard situations and learn from them. I'm so lucky to see how amazing life is, next step the rest of my life.

My seven pounds of giving to my caregivers

The movie "seven pounds" is about a man who has killed 7 people and he would like to give back the lives he took by giving 7 people who really need them a piece of his flesh. So with that being said I would like to give away my 7 pounds of flesh to the people I care A LOT about. So here it goes:

My eyes: I would like to give to Theretha for always taking the time to read into a bad situation and be there even when it didn't always clear say that you were needed. Thank you for over hearing the things that were not being said.

My ears: I would like to give to Meghan for always being there to listen to the things that I had to complain about. Even when it was a repeat of the same things OVER and OVER again.

My mouth: I would like to give to Dr. Z for being able to say the things that I was afraid to say and even more. I would also like to give you my smile because some days would have been really rough without your laugh and your smile.

My legs: I would like to give to Dr. D for being the person to always be there to drive me around. Taking me from school to your house, from your house to doctors appointments and even to the hospitals. You would LOVE being almost 6 ft tall!! I promise ^_-

My lungs: I would like to give to my chemo mom, Janice for always being there to offering the advice that I needed when I didn't want to admit that I was a cancer patient. For telling me what I need and the things that I need to know.

My liver (the good part): I would like to give to Stacy because even when I couldn't find the effort to drink just water, she would have a beer and a positive attitude to be there for me. She could make me laugh with just the sound of her voice.

My hair: I would like to give to Ainee for being the first person to cut your hair off when all my hair started to fall out. I really appreciate you being there.

My backbone (the strongest one in town): I would like to give to Patrick for being strong enough to stand and take the news when others broke and buckled. (be careful you won't make through airport security)

My heart: I would like to give to all of you ALWAYS BEING THERE FOR ME NO MATTER WHAT!! The days that I didn't know I would need you were there and the days when I didn't know what to do. Thank you for more than I could possibly give.

My blood: I would like to give to those in my life who wanted to be there but couldn't be there. Its enough to give EVERY SINGLE person who prayed and made sure that I stayed in their positive thoughts a drop. I thank those who asked God to help me through this and matter fact I like to give my blood to those who were to busy or too afraid to be there for me. ( I have to warn you all, my blood is pretty special its got platinum in it!!)

So technically its more than 7 pounds of flesh but you get the idea. I owe more than just a few body parts to the people who were there for me when I didn't know I needed you.

Dealing with the fine line....

Lately, I have been learning how to deal with the difference of a friend in the workplace and business. This is something that I have been having a really hard time adjusting to with a few people. I really admire and respect the women that I work with, but it has really been hard trying to make the appropriate adjustments that are necessary for me to make it. I feel like I am disappointing people than I really care a lot about. I want to make sure that I make them proud but I feel like I am drowning in disapproval. I can't believe that I have made so many mistakes. I have really made an effort to do well but I still feel like I am failing my superiors. How do you tell the person that I want to impress that I am depressed that I can not make her happy? Its a really fine line that I wish I had the answers to. I want to be a professionally, successful business woman but it has really been hard. My feelings aren't hurt but I don't want people to give up on me because I am a friend or because they feel sorry for me or they feel as if I am not good enough. My shortcomings have made me into a person that I am not happy with.  The more that I come to realization that I am unsuccessful, the more I feel weak and useless. How do you tell someone who can see all the potential and ability in you that you are starting to doubt yourself? How do you deal with the fact that no matter how much you want them to see you as a successful person, you are still can't see yourself but as a cancer patient and a failure? I want so desperately to be the best, however I haven't been able to see past all the things that I can't be. Well I know that we all have those feelings but I have really don't know why it seems to make me feel so DEPRESSED!! I have been depressed lately, which has made me a horrible person to be around.

Pictrues of my Wonderful T-shirts

My equation for a great chemo experience

The rest of the equation

"My doctor told me to make a list of things I want to accomplish..."

"My To Do List: Beat Cancer, Next: Take Over the world!!"

Thank you so much Cecil for taking the time to make these t-shirts for me!!