Dear Dad....

So I don't really care if this is too much for most people. I don't care if this seems like too much info for people but this is a way for me to relieve stress so that I stay away from getting my tumor "Don" upset. I have a few issues with my father and I am sure that a lot of women can agree with some of these feelings and the situations at hand. If you don't wanna read the letter to my father, then I say wait until tomorrow for another post. If you think that this shouldn't be done then please don't give me any negative comments. Okay with all that being said, I will start my letter:

Dear Dad,
I would like to say first off that I have so much unconditional love and care for you. I will give you anything in the world that I could possibly find. I will do what ever I can to make your life any easier. At the beginning of this wonderful life journey, I had the chance to talk to you about being a parent to me during this time of need. I thought that we had an understanding that if you said that you were going to do something that you would. I have never asked for anything more than for you to be there for me. I have never asked for any money, property, or even held a grudge towards you about the past. I have always wanted to be apart of your life and your family. As long as I could remember, I was the one that would pick up the phone to call you to let you know how I was doing. I remember doing it since I was maybe 8 years old. I would call and let you know how my grades were and how things were going down in Atlanta. A small part of me as a little girl wanted my mom and dad to get back together but I knew that it wouldn't happen after I understood the situation a lot better. As we grew old, I felt like we started to grow apart. I made the effort to grow closer to you and your new family by going to a school in the Midwest. I wanted to go to school in the city of Chicago so that I could commute from your house to the city. It would help me feel like I got the chance to see what it would be like to be a child in your household. As I got the acceptance letter to Purdue, I knew that it wasn't what I wanted but it would be close enough. I thought with the two of us being only two hours away, I would be able to see you more. As I started my freshmen year and I tore my ACL, I didn't think that it would be as bad as it got but things got bad. I understand that you have a really hard time with job stability and the fact that you have a really hard time with the emotional burden to be the sole bread winner for your family. I still wanted to be there for you. I remember while in my sophomore year, I got a call from you asking for some money. I had no problem with taking the little extra money that I had in my savings account to help you. I didn't even hesitate to be there for you and your family. I knew that if you had to ask for it you really needed the money. As the year went on, I remember sitting in the hospital after my knee surgery alone on Christmas day. I called your house to see if you would make it, but you were busy. I waited for you to come and once you showed up it was really late. It really hurt me a lot, but I found forgives through God. I asked God to help me see the better side of the situation, so I did. As I went into my Junior year of college, I remember being so emotionally unstable that I went on a series of quests to find a way to make you proud of me. I started to work multiple jobs so that I didn't have to ask you for money. I remember receiving a phone call from Ouida telling me that I was asking for too much from your family. I didn't realize what was going on but I knew that I felt like I was kicked. I found it in myself to forgive you again for everything. I had outburst and rants about the way things were going in my life with you, but I feel like every girl has had that moment. As I started to my senior year in college, I remember having a talk with you to see if it was possible for me to move in with you after I graduated from Purdue. As we started a new year with me a member of your household, I made sure that I tried my best to live under your rules. As Ouida


My diagnosis was a scary moment for everyone but at least I knew that I had really strong people in my life to help my through it. Dad, I knew that you had a rare cancer before and I hoped that you would be there for me more. Granted hospitals are scary places where a lot of bad things happen, but a lot of good things happen there too. Your daughter was fighting for her life and you never came to be a small support for her. I wasn't expecting a miracle change from you but I thought once I told you "you are welcomed to come at any point you feel comfortable," I thought you would step up. After the talk that we had in September about what I needed from my father, I never knew that a little short of four months would have gone by without a single visit. Believe me, I understand that you have a family to take care of and their are extremely important to you. I never want to take a way from Jeri and Evan!! I love them with all my heart and soul. I love them like we are full blood siblings. So, I don't know if I am the right person to be here pouring my heart out to you like this because I don't want you to think that I don't love you unconditionally but I do love you enough to tell you that I am disappointed in the choices that you have made recently. I would also like to say that I am sorry for anything that I have done to you and your family in order for you all to not want me around. I just wanted all of you to be proud of me and look at me a strong, beautiful, amazing young woman that you would go and tell everyone. Honestly, I have felt like a failure for years because I thought that there was nothing in the world that I could do to make you happy and proud of me. I have a few issues with men because of those reasons. My ability to have a huge guard up and the fact that I have an underlying uncomfortable feeling of being secure because I feel like if I wasn't good enough for you then I won't be for anyone else. Honestly, I don't think that I'm that bad but it's nothing like hearing your father tell you how beautiful, smart, and amazing you are. I can walk with the smile on my face like nothing hurts but it hurts. I am comfortable with saying that I have forgiven you for everything that you have done. I will never stop loving. Just for your understanding and information, I talked to Uncle David before he past away about the relationship between you and I. He asked me to forgive you and I told him that I have forgiven him but I don't think that he has forgiven himself. I have also had a conversation with my ex-boyfriends who both told me that my guard is big that it makes me ugly and hard to deal with, in which I told them that it could be linked to the fact that I feel like you don't love me. In which, Patrick told me "He is proud of you and he thinks highly of you, but he knows that he has nothing to do with who you are." As those words came out of his mouth, I realized that it must suck for you to have that constant reminder that you weren't always there. However, I want you to know that you have the chance to change it. I want to work on making this relationship better. I just hope you are......

With ALL MY RESPECT AND LOVE IN ALL OF MY BODY,
Denise Renee' ("Munchers") Bradford a.k.a "Number 1"

READERS I AM SO SORRY FOR SUCH A LONG POST..... THANK YOU FOR TAKING THE TIME TO READ IT. LOVE YA!!