The battle of relationships...

At the beginning of my treatment, I was DETERMINED to remain normal in my personal life as possible. Little did I know that my determination to remain normal would bit me in the butt as soon as things got bad. For much of my days battling cancer, I took a really humorous point of view. I felt that if I could get people to smile rather than cry about this situation, it would be easier to handle. There were a few that jumped on that wagon really early and remained intune with this coping technique. However, I wasn't prepared for those who could not separate the two. Although I smiled about it, it did not mean that things weren't hard. I had a few friends take out whatever emotion that was going on in their lives on me. I soon realized that I was the friend that gave more in the relationships than not. So when things started to get rough on me, those friends that needed me to be there for them soon made me feel like a bad friend. For about a month, I was extremely sick and was unable to attend school regularly and I spent majority of my days with the tv and my bed.

I would receive text messages that asked how I was feeling and for many of those text messages I would respond that I was doing "ok". However I was extremely exhausted and in physical pain. Many people in the world when they hear someone has a fatal disease they want to hear that you are doing well. But I did what I thought was the right thing to do. To "protect" people from my disease. I could have NEVER imagined that it would back fire on me.

I had friends tell me that they cared about me who had keys to my apartment and wouldn't stop by to check up on me. I had friends tell me o was being a bad friend because I didn't tell then I had treatment. I had friends yell at me beached I didn't respond back to their dinner invites and movie invites. I had friends tell me I was a bad text message friend because I didn't respond fast enough.

So for those of you that need an explanation on the situation, here you go. As days went on in my battle with cancer, I could hardly move or speak. There were many days that I spent more than 12 hours lying in my bed. I also spent more time with the tv then any of you. The days when you texted me to ask for dinner plans, if I said to you "I don't know" or if I said " I would have to see" that meant that I wasn't feeling well and couldn't get past the door to my room. I really feel let down by a great few of my friends but I have also gained a great deal of friends who are really special to me. I thank those of you that took the time to "forcefully" make their ways to seeing me when I didn't respond. I thank those of you that asked others how I was doing when I felt overwhelmed. I thank those of you that hung in there when all I wanted to do was cry and whine in my room.

But with all of the mean things that were said and done to me, I still say thank to those who didn't change during this experience. You have really thought me a lit about the human race. Thank you for being who you are and thank you for teaching me a lesson.