Well it's that time of the year as people move on to their next steps, I start to realize the what is next for me. I will really miss a lot of people and things that I am really comfortable with. I have these feelings of abandonment because I feel strongly attachment to my situation. I see that my friends are moving on to bigger and better things, in which I am so extremely proud and happy for them. I wish them all the best of luck from this point forward. I will really miss one of my closet friends from Purdue. He will be going off into the real world. He is extremely smart, caring, giving, and very very kind hearted. He can do anything that he puts his mind to and I really admire him for who he is. :-) I wish him all the best of luck and I hope that he doesn't forget me in the middle of Indiana. I have a friend who is going through a transition in life that will only make her a better person. She needs to take the steps in the right direction in order to be a better person. I know that she is smart, strong, capable, and extremely feisty for the thrill in life. I know that she will be a huge success because she has already been through the worse in her life. I have a friend who has been given another chance at love and I know that its an extremely exciting time for him. I'm more than absolutely sure that they will be great together. He is smart, caring, giving, silly, funny, and open to the world. I know that he will make her happier than I know that he knows.... Never mind in second thought naw he knows it ;-) I don't wanna lose that friendship but I know that things happen for a reason. Good Luck. I have a friend who is extremely recent but I feel so connected to her in so many ways. We have a lot in common and I know that we are friends for a reason. She has a lot to offer this world and I know that she has given me a lot of information and knowledge that I couldn't never repay her. She has a heart of gold that matches her mind, spirit, and soul. She will have a great life where ever the wind may take her. I wish her the best in her life.
I'm really scared that I will be the same little sick girl that hasn't grown from anything in my life. I will still be here in Lafayette without learning anything new. I don't wanna be that woman at all. I have a few issues that I need to address but I think I have a lot to offer. I have something to give the world and someone special. I wish that I could show the world my beauty, but all I can see some times is damaged goods. It kinda sucks but I don't think that I've been that bad of a person for this situation. I just hope someone can see the beauty and strength that I have. And I hope people that I know don't forget or oversee the beauty in me. :-/
Denise, I went to church today and Tammy Hunter (evangelist) preached today. When she preached I thought about you. She preached from Acts 27th chapter. Please read it. The topic was, "The storm doesn't control your destiny. Only God can control that."
ReplyDeleteThree main points
1. Prepare for the storm.
2. Stay calm.
3. Never abandon your purpose.
Avoiding the shipwreck
1. Don't be dis satified with where you are. (overcoming your circumstances)
2. Don't be too impatient to get where you are going.
3. Heed God's word.
4. Don't look to circumstances. Wait and let God guide you through the storm.
Much Love,
Ressa
Hi sweetie- are you feeling any better? I'm headed back to Nville tomorrow night, through Thursday afternoon. I'll be avail manana from 8AM EST 'til i leave 6PM, so call me if you get this if you're up to talking . I heard from some experts at ACS and Krysti's I.D.d 3 trials she thinks are most promising, but we reeeeeeeally need at least the path report so we can call the people in charge of the trials and talk w/ them 1st. I'm bringing my laptop, as is krysti, and all the PDFs, so hope you can get that to me. As you know, sitting for hours in a chemo chair gives you time to concentrate on a mental challenge! Please take some time to travel Chris Karr's (SP?!) Crazy Sexy Cancer website. She had exactly the same rare cancer (17 tumors) in 2003 and beat it, after standard treatments, with diet, yoga, supplements, immunoboosting... and documented it in a DVD and book of the same name. Krysti and I are ready to help you run at this all HARD and FAST! hope all goes well and we can get together on this, but I realize it has to be your decision. Also, I have a really great therapist in Lafayette who's not taking any new patients but will take you because the social worker I want you to sign that other rel. for spoke to her. I know it must be incredibly overwhelming, and can only try to imagine your angst. When I started researching the 4th autoimmune disease i have four years ago, the 1st things I read made me physically ill-veeeeeeeeeeeeery scary, and there was only one place in the world that could diagnose it without major surgery- Johns Hopkins in Baltimore, and I had let my insurance drop, ....and well, it's one of several reasons I'm determined to be the friend to you now I wish to hell I'd had four years ago!You REALLY need to see the DVD Crazy Sexy Cancer (she was an old lady at her Stage V diagnosis-31, as I'm remembering!) I went online to make sure she was still N.E.D. (No Evidence of Disease) and she's coming out w/ a sequel-update
ReplyDeleteIt will give you strength, hope, inspiration and REALLY useful info. Krysti ordered it from Blockbuster but I could not find it on Netflix.
Chris is alot like you- young, gorgeous, sweet, and brave. By the way, I've been a writer (and a lousy speller!) for years, and this entry is VERY beautifully written, mon EBONYta!
LOVE, RACHEL
I have been trying to wrap my mind around what you mean by "damaged goods". I mean, you had cancer, which you have defeated. You are on the road to recovery (slowly but surely), yet you still have this slightly negative outlook on life.
ReplyDeleteYou know me, I like to keep it 110%. I won't sugarcoat anything. Denise, you are beautiful on the outside, with unmatched beauty on the inside as well. When I think about what words describe you, I think Strong, determined, RIDICULOUS! (who gets those grades and smiles while undergoing constant chemotherapy?!!) UNREAL!
Someone will see you for who you are, Denise. Just be patient. You are by any means "damaged goods". In my eyes, you are "reinforced". Denise 2.0-- stronger than before and doesn't take any crap!!
Finally, I will not forget about you and you know that. I don't think you will let me (lol). You are my life long friend. I mean that. You are always be integrated in my life. It doesn't matter how. You'll be Auntie Doctor to my kids lol!
ok, I'm done! Smile! :)
You have learned a lot in a short time. You have great things to come in your future. The door is there just knock. xoxoxo...
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